You say your backpack’s heavy, set those bricks loose. – Pete Droge
Hello friends. I’ve found myself revisiting this topic in my writing lately. I think the solid configuration of Retrograde planetary energies may have more than a little to do with it. I am also preparing for a new online teaching event on 10/12/15 hosted by the Angels of Hope center in NY. Please be sure to get on my mailing list at my site to get all of the latest updates. Thank you.
I’ve found one of the hardest places in “being with what is” is in our FOO (family of origin.) No matter how old we are or how old our parents or siblings, we may still be striving for their love and acceptance, which can become a potent bargaining chip on their part. It’s a well known game on both sides of the coin that keeps us tethered and in pain. You don’t have to blame yourself, you just need to gain a greater understanding and drop the negative conditioning. It can most certainly be done.
Here are a few things that came to mind today:
1) It’s either LOVE or it isn’t. If it involves heavy conditions, withholding, constant judgment and the like, it’s a manipulation and that’s not (real) love. If this was your experience as a child and young adult, realize that this has colored your “view,” but it doesn’t have to remain your reality. This in many people’s experience was the norm and not the exception in their upbringing.
2) Acknowledge your story, but don’t dwell on it. Spiritual practice, meditation, ritual work, art therapy and all forms of creativity are excellent for getting past the egoic/personality self. You are so much more than being (your name here) this time around but please, don’t just take my word for it. The great Giggling Buddha (Merle Smith) often said, “Surrender or ask who you are.” I’ve found in my own life, both are connected and have followed each other.
3) Learn to let things GO. This may need to be a mental discipline and an ongoing one. It’s like unlearning any negative pattern in mind or body. It took awhile to get there, so we need to be patient with unraveling it. Also, not to be in too big of a rush as it may have some very useful information to convey to us on the way.
4) Acknowledge that everyone is going their best from their current level of understanding and awareness. I understand that isn’t always easy to do especially when people are exhibiting hurtful, irrational behaviors that you can’t possibly get your head around, but it really is true. One of my wise, wizardly friends recently wrote that “haters” and other negative people have forgotten who they really are and may resent anyone who is compassionate, as it is a powerful reminder.
5) Take back your power. Remember that YOU are in control of your life experience here and no one else. Strive to respond as opposed to react and know that it is possible with a bit of conscious awareness. Also, that you and your path are a work in progress and aren’t expected to be perfect. That is ego’s territory. Some days you may send him/her packing to a nice sunny place in mind, with a cocktail in tow.
6) Though it doesn’t make a lot of sense, there are those that instead of appreciating the LIGHT that you carry, are threatened by it. It may also trigger their own issues which they seek to offload on you or anyone else in the immediate environment. Remember the “Hot Potato” game you played as a kid? Same thing, metaphorically speaking.
7) Don’t try to do it all yourself, do seek wise counsel and healing work when necessary. I am a practitioner of IET (Integrated Energy Therapy,) and this is an excellent modality for shifting outmoded energies and beliefs right out of your energy field. Ahh! It feels really good to get lighter and let that outdated “stuff” go.
8) Be gentle with yourself, especially in the areas of addiction, codependence and “looking for love in all the wrong places.” This is common actually and seems to be a step on the path of recovery that many with dysfunctional, traumatic and/or toxic childhoods have experienced.
9) Understand from a soul level that these folks are actually 5-Star Gurus for your own development. I also understand the notion that it may seem as if we were high on Pixie Dust on the other side when we agreed to take this on, however. 🙂
10) Practice Gratitude that you have been exposed to spiritual teachings and healing. You have another option for your life experience and that your FOO members in many cases have not. Granted your willingness and openness have magnetized this in to your life, but there’s also a certain amount of GRACE operating here too.
It can be a weighty thing to realize that you’ve based your own self-opinion based on false and skewed data and possibly for years or even decades. It make take some time to process and that’s okay. This is actually a very good place to begin.
Start where you are. – Pema Chodron
It may be required to remove yourself from exceptionally harmful family members or even all of them in your healing process temporarily or permanently. This can actually be good for clarity and healing. If you have decided to do this for yourself, it may not be understood. It is actually more common for those especially who identify as Empaths, Lightworkers and Adult Indigos to be “kicked out,” though the opposite scenario does exist. There is an entire module in the course that I created (more information below,) on this topic.
Q: Celestina, you have given us many wonderful teachings in the past about how to heal from our FOO (family of origin.) In this important time it seems more vital than ever to get free of false programming about ourselves, especially patterning absorbed in our childhoods. What can you share with us today? Thank you.
A: Dear ones, what I would like to share with you today is about what is called the “filter” of fear. In the coming energies and time it is essential to have a stronger orientation towards love than of fear. This is definitely possible. As you align with the higher frequencies and clear yourselves of limiting influences, your own filter or view becomes more accurate.
One thing that may be helpful to remember, is that the majority of your family members are working under these same pervasive influences and are doing the best that they can. In these times you may see separation and estrangements on the increase. This is to due to the current energies and again, your primary orientation. It is becoming more uncomfortable and less useful for you to go where you are not entirely accepted and loved. In many instances, your old contracts or agreements with these individuals are over. See the great teachings that have been presented to you with further opportunities for you to awaken to greater truths. Continue to let go of fear and all of its allies (i.e. rejection, harsh judgments, prejudice, pain and separation.) This is not to say that these connections cannot be renewed at a different, higher level of awareness but the old, toxic patterning must go as it has outlived its usefulness. Though it is true that all is One, you are not meant to travel alongside everyone. This is a moment of decision and a point of power in your experience. We are confident that you will choose well. Be at peace. I AM Celestina and I love you. – 8.5.15
NOTE: I created an online course through Spirituality University, “Healing from your FOO and Reclaiming your life” that received many positive reviews. It has written as well as audio material and healing meditations.
Healing mandala by JD Cogmon.